Irksomeness
Have you ever been irked? You know... the state of being driven nuts by something or (surely not) someone. (Not from Webster by the way.) I believe in the South they say, "That just flew all over me." No? Well it happens to me. People always ask me, "You have red hair... do you have a fiery temper?" I always smile sweetly and say something like, "No not really." Ha! Denial is not a river in Egypt. Several times this week... actually mostly in one day, I was in quite a state "irksomeness". Early in the day I had plans to write about being thankful for my next post. (I was going for the warm fuzzies.) The day was clipping along fine until... people showed up. No really... I'm serious. I love people, as you saw from my first blog... sometimes I just don't know how to... well you know... live with them. People are great but they're also... well... irksome (myself included). I was around a group of them for one afternoon for a while, and after about an hour I kind of felt like running and hiding in a hole or something. Everywhere I turned I felt irked by something they said or did. Finally I said to myself, "Self... something is not right." So I did run away for a few minutes to talk to God and say, "What's the problem here." (Of course it must be their problem right? It couldn't be me. I have a right to be irked! What's wrong with these people!) However... today as I was sitting and reading in Proverbs, I read these words. "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects a man." Mentally I kind of cringed. I knew that was for me. My heart wasn't reflecting such pretty images at the moment. The things that are in my heart aren't reflecting the kind of woman I want to be. As I thought about that verse, seemingly out of nowhere I thought of 1 Corinthians 13. Oh yeah... love. I thought to myself as I recalled my reaction, both inwardly and outwardly to those people. With each word I read, I saw myself... in the opposite way. You know how they always tell you to substitute your name for love in this verse? You couldn't have done that with my name.
13:4-8
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
Honestly I looked at each one of those and thought, "Kara is not patient, is not kind..." and so on. And what about easily angered? Might we say, "Is not easily irked?" Oy vey... I have a bigger anger problem than I thought.
So once again Lord, I see that I fall short of the standard you have laid out. Your love has never been anything but "patient, kind,..." and all of these things to me. Teach me how to love people... how to really love them as you love me. How can I take from you and refuse to give the same back to the people in my life? I do not deserve your love or theirs Lord. Forgive me for my irksomeness... for the things I do that irk you. Help me live to bring joy to your heart and not pain. And help me live with my eyes that see my brother's and sister's needs and not just my own. Thank you for your love, which never fails... even when I do.
Have you ever been irked? You know... the state of being driven nuts by something or (surely not) someone. (Not from Webster by the way.) I believe in the South they say, "That just flew all over me." No? Well it happens to me. People always ask me, "You have red hair... do you have a fiery temper?" I always smile sweetly and say something like, "No not really." Ha! Denial is not a river in Egypt. Several times this week... actually mostly in one day, I was in quite a state "irksomeness". Early in the day I had plans to write about being thankful for my next post. (I was going for the warm fuzzies.) The day was clipping along fine until... people showed up. No really... I'm serious. I love people, as you saw from my first blog... sometimes I just don't know how to... well you know... live with them. People are great but they're also... well... irksome (myself included). I was around a group of them for one afternoon for a while, and after about an hour I kind of felt like running and hiding in a hole or something. Everywhere I turned I felt irked by something they said or did. Finally I said to myself, "Self... something is not right." So I did run away for a few minutes to talk to God and say, "What's the problem here." (Of course it must be their problem right? It couldn't be me. I have a right to be irked! What's wrong with these people!) However... today as I was sitting and reading in Proverbs, I read these words. "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects a man." Mentally I kind of cringed. I knew that was for me. My heart wasn't reflecting such pretty images at the moment. The things that are in my heart aren't reflecting the kind of woman I want to be. As I thought about that verse, seemingly out of nowhere I thought of 1 Corinthians 13. Oh yeah... love. I thought to myself as I recalled my reaction, both inwardly and outwardly to those people. With each word I read, I saw myself... in the opposite way. You know how they always tell you to substitute your name for love in this verse? You couldn't have done that with my name.
13:4-8
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
Honestly I looked at each one of those and thought, "Kara is not patient, is not kind..." and so on. And what about easily angered? Might we say, "Is not easily irked?" Oy vey... I have a bigger anger problem than I thought.
So once again Lord, I see that I fall short of the standard you have laid out. Your love has never been anything but "patient, kind,..." and all of these things to me. Teach me how to love people... how to really love them as you love me. How can I take from you and refuse to give the same back to the people in my life? I do not deserve your love or theirs Lord. Forgive me for my irksomeness... for the things I do that irk you. Help me live to bring joy to your heart and not pain. And help me live with my eyes that see my brother's and sister's needs and not just my own. Thank you for your love, which never fails... even when I do.
posted by Kara Bird | 3:05 PM
3 Comments:
Your prayer at the end was excellent. I'm constantly praying that I make God proud. I think that loving one another is one of those things that we have to work on for a lifetime. Each and every Christian has to struggle with that one. I thank God that he's given us his word to help guide us as we are struggling along. I always fall short of what is described in 1 Corinthians 13, especially "Jilian is patient". Ouch!
I think I saw a little spark in here! Keep telling us what you really think, not what you're supposed to think. Also, I'm not buying it that "Kara is not patient, Kara is not kind. . . " I know we all get grouchy and irked, but you hide it well. Thanks for applying scripture in a concrete way. Well done!
Perhaps then, deep down, I'm a little red-headed, too! I agree with Tami that we all get a little irked sometimes; but what proves to be the bigger person is to not let that anger overcome you. Perhaps, that by not blowing up at these people, you have proved to be patient?
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