God in the trenches

Did you know God isn't afraid of dirt? (I guess this shouldn't come as a surprise since, after all, He is God and He made man from it.) God doesn't avoid the mud and the ugly parts of our life. He doesn't just meet us at church on Sunday and then push us out the door, smiling and waving goodbye like a grandpa who's relieved to have a break from his overactive grandchildren. He walks with us through the tantrums, through tears, and through the trenches.

I saw a movie last week about a town that lost an entire football team. Athletic directors, coaches, and more... were all gone in a single plane crash. I cried as I watched wives, fathers, children, and even a fiance grieve the loss of the people they loved. As I reached for my Kleenex I thought, "Wow, I've never lost someone really close to me. I wonder how you get through something like that." The very next day, I began to learn how.

I was on my way to work after class when my mom passed me in her car. She was headed toward school, so I knew she was looking for me. I pulled off to the side of the road and rolled down my window, "Don't go to work, come home. I need to talk to you," she said. I didn't ask anything else. My mind and stomach began to spin, slowly at first, then faster. From my radio I heard these words:

Hold fast, help is on the way.
Hold fast, He's come to save the day.
What I've learned in my life, one thing greater than my strife is Your grace. Hold fast.

This calmed the spinning a little, and I sent up a quick prayer for whatever was ahead. When I arrived home I learned that a friend from work was killed in a car accident that morning. My mom had known her longer than I had, and we both knew this wonderful woman was home with her Savior. But that didn't make it any less painful. There were days I felt like crawling under the nearest desk, blanket, or whatever was available to cry for a few hours. Some days I felt like the tears would never stop, other days I felt like they were locked up inside me, which almost hurt worse. I still have those days. I'm not sure how this grief thing works, or how long it will take. But I do know that God is here, in the trenches.

I heard him speak in the words, and sometimes just the melody of a song, when nothing else could reach me. I smiled as I watched fluffy diamonds fall from the sky on the day of the funeral... or were those feathers from God's wings which I was hiding under? I felt his touch when a friend called just to check on me, sent a timely e-mail, card, or traveled from far away to be with me. I felt his presence when mom worked beside me while I cried, held my hand at the funeral, and listened when I was ready to talk. Even when I was completely alone I opened His Word and He was there.

"I lift my eyes to the hills -- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2

"For such is God, Our God forever and ever; He will guide us until death." Psalm 48:14

"Lord you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations." Psalm 90:1

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1-2

Of course there were also days when it seemed God was silent, and those days do seem very long. But as a wise friend pointed out in her blog, God has a purpose for those days too.

Yes, in this life we will go through the trenches, and we will wonder at times if we will survive them. But I am so thankful God goes with us through those trenches, even when I cannot see Him. He is not afraid of our pain.

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me everything that brings you glory
And I know there will be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise you
Jesus bring the rain.
-Mercy Me

Thank you Father that You are not a God who only walks with us when things are smooth and we are responding to everything perfectly. Thank you that You walk with us through the trenches, giving us more grace. Thank you for being our safe place of refuge, whatever comes our way in this life.