Beautiful Change

Change. The very word makes me feel like I need to take a deep breath and hang onto something sturdy to brace myself for impact. We are all familiar with this rather uncomfortable word. It's something we only like when it's on our terms. When we're tired of our hair style, the color of paint on the walls, or our job, then we embrace change. In those circumstances it's a friendly, and maybe even invigorating concept. But when we're content with the way things are, when we're finally adjusted and find ourselves feeling comfortable, then how dare that nasty little word come and turn our world upside down!

This year has been a year of change for me. Moving almost eight hours away from home turned out to be a much bigger change than I was expecting. A new school, enviornment, state, teachers, food, friends, activities, relationships, my role, routine, and so much more. Even things back home changed, which was hard to accept. Change soon became a rather unwelcome guest in my life. Whenever I saw it coming, I would usually try an alternate route if at all possible. (Or at least display some road rage if no detour was available.)

This week I learned that there will be a significant change in my department when I return in the fall. (The part I was just starting to get used to.) At first I was surprised. Soon that surprise turned into anxiety. "What if...?" I've discovered this question often tags along behind change of any sort. Because change involves uncertainty, it's easy to think of all the things that could go wrong. This question is especially scary when I find myself dealing with changes in my relationships with people. The what-if's can seem larger than life and very messy.

Last night I grabbed my Ipod and hopped on my bike, my mind full of thoughts about the coming year and, of course, change. I was listening to one of my favorite artists and enjoying the evening when the words that were traveling into my ears finally connected with my brain cells. Does anyone else find it amazing how we can hear or see something a hundred times and never stop to think about it, and then one day it just just jumps out and grabs us? I wonder if God gives us divine deafness at times... or maybe I'm just turning up my Ipod too loud. In any case, this is what I was finally able to hear:

Oh I'm going to find some peace of mind. At any time I could change, any day,a beautiful

change. Nothing has been what I'd guessed so far. Unforeseen, this most sweet, beautiful change.- words by The Innocence Mission.

I twisted my face in surprise, purely for my own amusement of course, and slowly that face turned into a smile. Beautiful change. Wow. Immediately what came to mind, partly because the song mentions seasons, were the changes we have learned to celebrate. Fall, winter, spring, and summer. Each season comes to us in a unique, beautiful way. I have a hard time deciding which one is my favorite, because I love something about each one. When the leaves begin to explode in vibrant color and the air becomes crisp and cool, I sigh and think, "This must be my favorite season." Then, with winter comes snow. My world is covered in a soft blanket of white, encouraging me to "be still," and take a moment to just be with God. And then I think, "Maybe this is my favorite season." And then there's spring. Ahhh... spring. The world becomes green again. Hope is restored. The old is gone, the new has come. "There's nothing quite like spring," I think. Need I go on about summer? Well... alright. Popsickles, fireflys, ice-cream, fireworks, baseball, and lots of extra sunshine. When I'm basking in the sun or watching the fireflys light up the night I am tempted to say, "I wish it were summer all the time." Each season is very different from the other, and they're all so beautiful in their own special way. But, in order to experience that beauty to the full, a changes must take place.

In the same way, I think God uses specific circumstances in our lives in order to bring about beautiful change in us. So What if? What if I chose to focus less on my level of discomfort in the change and more on enjoying each season of my life for it's own singular beauty? What if I chose to rest in the Unchanging One instead of hoping my circumstance and relationships will stay the way they are? What if?

Thank you Lord that you are Unchanging. Forgive me for throwing fits about the change in my life. Give me open eyes to see the beauty you are creating from the change that sometimes scares me. Help me to accept it and walk through it in a way that brings glory to You. Instead of always looking at it as a threat, help me see it as an opportunity. May I continually look to You as my safe place. The only thing in my life that does not change.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17.