Honestly
What you see: a smile
What I feel: defeat
What you hear: "we'll see"
What I feel: hopeless
What you see: perseverance
What I feel: exhaustion
What you hear: "it's going okay..."
What I feel: "what is going on Lord?"
What you hear: "Wow, that's amazing! God has really provided for you."
What I feel: "Have you forgotten me Lord? What am I doing wrong?"
Do I dare tell people how I really feel? When I am brutally honest with someone, I sometimes feel like I've stepped over some invisible line. I've gone too far. There are so many real crisis in the world right now, after all. How selfish it is to whine about my puny problems. And it's true. This is not how I want to respond, and sometimes I scold myself for even thinking such things. But when is it okay to stop pretending? When does the mask come off? Doesn't it have to come off at some point so that when the victory comes, you know it can only be from God. I'm not the first person to speculate on this subject. One of my new favorite songs written by Vota explores the same subject:
"Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me. For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me." Psalm 40:11-12.
What I feel: defeat
What you hear: "we'll see"
What I feel: hopeless
What you see: perseverance
What I feel: exhaustion
What you hear: "it's going okay..."
What I feel: "what is going on Lord?"
What you hear: "Wow, that's amazing! God has really provided for you."
What I feel: "Have you forgotten me Lord? What am I doing wrong?"
Do I dare tell people how I really feel? When I am brutally honest with someone, I sometimes feel like I've stepped over some invisible line. I've gone too far. There are so many real crisis in the world right now, after all. How selfish it is to whine about my puny problems. And it's true. This is not how I want to respond, and sometimes I scold myself for even thinking such things. But when is it okay to stop pretending? When does the mask come off? Doesn't it have to come off at some point so that when the victory comes, you know it can only be from God. I'm not the first person to speculate on this subject. One of my new favorite songs written by Vota explores the same subject:
Honestly can I tell you where I'm atOnly grace can make something out of nothing. So here I am Lord. I'm not proud of the state of my heart right now. I confess to You my jealousy, pride, bitterness, selfishness, and unbelief. I need an internal makeover Lord. I ask You to create a new work in my heart. Teach me to love, to trust that You really do care, and that You know what You're doing. I give myself up to You Lord., You're my only hope.
Honestly can I pull the curtain back
Will you run if you see how weak I am
If you don't see the real me you won't see what mercy's done
If you don't see my weakness you won't see what love has won
If you don't see the distance from the darkness to the sun
You won't see
Honestly
Honestly I'm growing sick and tired
Honestly it hurts too much to hide
Brokenness that's killing us inside
Let the light escape
From these holes inside my soul
When I start to break
Then grace begins to flow
Let the light escape
From this wounded place inside my soul
Honestly
"Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me. For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me." Psalm 40:11-12.
posted by Kara Bird | 10:38 PM
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