It's been one of those weeks. As the expectations rise, I feel like my performance falls at double the speed. I'm trying. I'm doing the best I can. But even then, I wonder if it's enough... and sometimes if it's too much. Every time I turn around I feel like I'm letting someone down, sometimes even my trying feels like it's causing problems. I don't know how to fix it, and “I'm sorry” just doesn't seem like enough after a while. My stomach cringes and I almost feel physically sick as I realize the level of responsibility and perceived inadequacy with each project. Can I complete the task that's been assigned to me? Can I do it as it should be done? When something goes wrong on a project, I feel it's because of my incompetence, and I watch as that mistake seems to touch everyone else around me. I know I'm learning from the pressure, from the intense environment we have to be creative in. My mind knows this, but my heart is weak. I feel vulnerable as I try to do my best, and at the same time try to steel myself for the consequences if it's not enough.

This semester I’ve learned a lot about constructive criticism. I know it's necessary for growth, and I can usually prepare myself for one or two of these situations at a time, but one day this week I found myself facing several in a row.As much as I tried to fight it, to think reasonably about it, my emotions and even my body reacted to it in a way I wasn't expecting. I found myself feeling a little shaky now and then. Am I trying too hard, or not hard enough? Do I need to strive for excellence, or am I being a control freak? I can sense God's gentle reminder that my true identity is in Christ. My standing with him has never been based on my performance. I'm doing my best to hold onto that, even as I ask Him to help me deal with the turmoil going on inside me. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one feeling the pressure right now. I don't have all the answers, and I obviously am not the best example for how to handle end of semester stress. All I can do is pass on what gets me through, one day at a time.

“Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayers; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I... let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!” Psalm 61:2,4

For all of you who are facing pressure from school, or maybe just life, let me know if or how I can pray for you.

“Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.”

“I will hold onto this hope that I have. You gave me a promise. I'll push through this moment, I'll never give up. You gave me a promise...” - Fireflight