His Strength Is Perfect

I have a great song in my head today. Kevin sang it yesterday in church. (Awesome job by the way Kevin!) I haven't heard it in so long, and yesterday was absolutely perfect timing. Here's the part that's been spinning over and over on the record player in my head:

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone
He'll carry us, when we can't carry on.
Raised in His power the weak become strong.
His strength is perfect... His strength is perfect.

(I hope I got all the words right... if not Kevin or Tami will let me know right?) :)

Many times when I go to church and hear the wonderful music and the message, I will think about it that day... and it might cross my mind once or twice during the week. (Although I know it should more.) The week kind of swallows me up and by the time I get to Wednesday I have trouble remembering what day it is much less what I learned on Sunday. But I think this is one God is trying to drive home to me.

As you've probably gathered from all my whining, College Algebra is not my favorite subject... and I don't remember ever walking out of a class room feeling like I do after this class... wondering, "Am I going to pass?" For some reason, that is a huge deal to me. It's that dirty word that seems to pop up outof nowhere every time... failure. But what if God is trying to teach me something more than numbers and quadratic equations through this class. (Which is a good possibility.) :) What if He's putting me in the fire? What's the purpose of the crazy weeks where you have a math test you're afraid you might not pass, a speech to make, and extra hours to work? Or how about some real problems... like wondering how that bill will get paid, if your child will ever be well, if your pain will ever be healed... if that friend or coworker will ever see a need for God? What if the sole purpose of those times it to teach us, "Is your strength gone yet? Good... now let me take over." Maybe God has to bring us to that point so we don't just blow by him on cruise control and say, "No it's okay God I've got this one." What if He's really doing us a favor?

As I sat in math class today, trying to understand but feeling like whoever that character is in Charlie Brown who only hears, "Wa wa wa..." when the teacher talks, guess what soundtrack was playing in my head?

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone...

Really? Is your strength really perfect when I'm weakest? Maybe when I finally get out of the way, He can do His job.

Thanks God for pushing the repeat button on my brain. Keep it playing this week Lord. Thank you that life isn't easy, otherwise we might miss experiencing it with You. Help us to remember that when we just want to pull out our hair and scream. Help us to take our tears to You and thank you for the reminder once again... we need You.

“So how about it God?” I thought. The words didn’t make it into the crisp night air. My feet carried me one step, then another towards the house, while my eyes lingered on those thousands of pinholes in the sky where the light poured through. I didn’t say it because I thought it was probably silly… asking God for a shooting star. I decided to enjoy them anyway. It wasn’t very often I took time to stop and admire. I turned my head from one corner of the sky to the other… just in time to see a single star skid across the sky for a brief second… then it was gone. I bit my lower lip and smiled like it was my first one. Silly? Maybe not.
I wonder how many shooting stars I miss… not just at night, but throughout my day. How often do I miss a chance to see God work, because I assume he doesn’t care, or that’s too small to bother Him with… or too big for Him to handle. Ouch. It occurred to me today that when I see those shooting stars, why don’t I stop and take time to tell people about it? It seems I’ve talked a lot lately about how much there is to do, how stressed I am, how crazy things are. Why do I leave out, “Hey, this was a neat gift from God,”?
This week he opened my eyes to a few shooting stars. It’s interesting; they don’t always look like what I think they should. For instance, one that keeps coming back to my mind this week started out as an unpleasant experience. As I was emptying the trash in the kitchen at work after a long day, I noticed someone had spilled some coffee grinds on the floor. Honest mistake… no big deal. I told myself it wasn’t my deal either, “Not part of your job description Kara.” But then I got the little poking and prodding and I thought, “Okay God… I’ll clean up the coffee spill.” Instead of being clever and grabbing the broom, I cleaned it up with paper towels, which meant I had to get them a little wet to get them all picked up. Well of course, once they got wet, they started to smell like freshly brewed coffee. We don’t really drink coffee, but I absolutely love that smell! By the time I was finished, a wonderful aroma filled the kitchen, and I got to smell the coffee!
I hope that story didn’t creep you out too bad. But seriously… after I was done I thought, “I almost missed that. I really think that was a boost from God, and I almost missed it.” Or how about songs on the radio? Two nights last week I went to bed literally feeling scared for the morning because of what was coming that day, and both of those mornings I woke up to these words from Casting Crowns singing on my radio:

Who Am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurts?
Who am I, that the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way, for my ever wandering heart?Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are.
… and you’ve told me who I am, I am YOURS.

That’s not a shooting star, that’s the moon! J So what’s your shooting star? This week, I want to keep my eyes open for them. I know they may not be as noticeable or as huge every day… but when I see them, I need to remember to give Him thanks.

Lord thank you that I am Yours. If you gave me nothing else, no other signs of Your goodness, that should be enough. To be able to have peace with You through Your son is an honor I don’t deserve… but I thank You for it. Forgive my wandering heart Lord. Forgive my short-sightedness. Help me turn my eyes back to You. You are my light and my salvation. You are water, the air, the sun to me. I can’t live without You. I love You Lord… because You first loved me. Keep opening my eyes and my heart in Your time.

I NEED YOU

Well you caught me. I’ve been avoiding writing. Yes I’ve been busy… but I think there is something else also, something more than that. What is it? I think I’m starting to figure it out. Oh wait… what I’m figuring out is… I don’t have things figured out. I don’t have the lessons I’ve been learning wrapped up in a nice little package… and that bugs me. Why?

I’ve been having a lot of ups and downs lately the last few weeks. No special reason… just the everyday living I think. I’ve been working a lot of extra hours, trying to figure out the latest math assignments as they get progressively harder and I have less and less time, frantically submitting assignments for my online class…(due at 11:55, submitted at 11:53) and write and give the latest speech that’s due the same week as midterms. (All about the time some of my friends are leaving for college and it’s my last chance to spend time with them.) As you can see… I’m suffering from Tami’s famous Winy Baby Syndrome as well. J I know so many people in my life whose burdens are so much greater than mine… but I have to be honest… there are days where I don’t see anything but my own stresses and problems. There are days I feel like a water balloon that got stuck to a faucet turned on full blast. (Okay… not a water balloon anymore... shreds of a water balloon.) Anybody been there? So what do you do with that? Do you just paste your smile on, pretend your fine… shove everything down because you know everyone else’s burdens are so much bigger than yours?

So now comes the part where I’m supposed to share with you this amazing lesson I learned… some amazing wise words. And that’s what bugs me. It bugs me because I feel like the only things I’m learning are the same lessons over and over… so did I really learn them in the first place? What’s wrong with me? I don’t have it all figured out. I’m just trying to take it one day at a time… and many times the only thing I’ve learned at the end of the day is, “Wow Lord I need you. I can’t make it another day without You!” But wait a second… is that such a bad thing after all? Maybe… just maybe our pathetic human condition, our screw-ups, shortfalls, our weaknesses allow God to show up in our life. Maybe if I had it figured out… I wouldn’t need God?

So when you get right down to it… that’s all I’ve really got to say.

I need You. Thanks for the reminders.

My Heavenly Father,

Is this what heaven is like? It’s raining and I’m driving home from work. I notice the sun is going down, casting a beautiful golden glow over everything… but I catch my breath when I pull up to the stoplight and see the street. The rain makes the plain concrete surface shimmer, and it looks as if you’ve painted it the color of heaven. My window is open, and I let the rain fall one me as I drink it all in. I drive on, moving onto the highway. Behind the rows of corn, I can see the sun, retreating for the night, veiled thinly by a few satin clouds and rain. Everything is bathed in this beautiful, rich golden light. I’ve never seen anything like it. It takes my breath away, and I want to sit and stare at it for hours. As I pull in my driveway, reluctant for this sight to end, on the other side of me there’s a full rainbow painted across the dark blue sky. And on my radio I hear the words… “I can only Imagine what it will be like, when I walk by your side. I can only imagine, what my eyes will see when your face is before me. I can only imagine.” This is truly how I felt at that moment. Lord, if the sun which you created can make this world look so beautiful, then what will it be like when, “Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for you Jesus, or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence, or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah? Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine… I can only imagine.” Thanks for the kiss God. Help me to keep imagining… keep remembering what You’ve done and who You are… keep rejoicing… and quit whining.